Girls just want to have fun

Oldie but goodie 

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I have a guilty pleasure…I like to watch ratchet television. More specifically I like to watch Love and Hip Hop in whatever city it may be in. To be honest, I actually love to get on Twitter on Monday night  and tweet about what’s going on or read the views of the show from my fellow Tweeters. The latest installment of Love and Hip Hop ATL has the usual mess but there is a love triangle that has me confused. It involves a bay mama, a girlfriend and the baby mother’s father which is the girlfriend’s boyfriend. It goes just like typical triangles, the male has a thing for two women. One he deals with so that he can still see his child and because he doesn’t want any drama that could come with not being able to see his child. And the other he says that he deals with because the sex is great and he can’t seem to leave either woman alone. 

These women met by the way of a reconnaissance mission. They end up fighting at a party that they wasn’t even invited to by the host and this is where things get a bit more messy and it makes me wonder. They end up meeting again this time with the man that is sleeping with both of these women. One asks him if he loves the other, then the other foams at the mouth waiting to pounce on the other. They don’t address the issue which is how a man has two women who are successful in their own right have them fighting and looking a damn mess on national tv? Or which one is the man going to stop hurting while he pleases his own selfish behaviors? 

Don’t get me wrong I’m not new to triangles and I’m not saying anything to make me seem as though I’m better then anyone because at one time or another I was sitting on the other side of the table wondering if he was going to leave her alone but I was the one that got left. So I can question women by asking them is this the best we can do? When have we begin to value ourself so poorly that we allow men to take away our power not only that in-between our legs but our voice to say no. Is dick that good?? Yes it is. But it should never come with the price of your morals and self respect. 

I was in a situation where I was lied to by the guy I was seeing. He said he didn’t have a girlfriend. I found out that he did one day by going to his house and with her answering the door in his boxer and wife beater. It’s funny how the Universe shows you what you need to see. Anyway she called him after I told her who I was and he came and tried to make a scene but end up running into the front door. LOL Years later and its still funny to me. He knew he was doing us wrong and that was karma smacking him with the door. Anyway he finally came out to me about his situation and because at the time I didn’t value myself I allowed myself to be his side piece. So many things annoyed me about the situation. One was that I was sharing what I wanted with her. Another was that I was limiting myself and that I didn’t love myself enough to know that I deserved better then what I was getting. But the dick was good and at that the time that was important to me so I settled. He made me feel like he was mines when we were together and when we weren’t… I was reminded that he was hers. Funny thing was that he would get jealous when I told him I was with someone else. Or when I told him that I was spending the night over someone else’s house. I would lie and say I was just to piss him off… Petty Betty. 

I allowed myself to be in a situation like that because I told myself that it worked, that it made him happy. She would call my phone and ask me about us and I would tell her to ask him. I was loyal to him even though he wasn’t loyal to me. I could have told her about the mornings that I went to their apartment to get some before going to work. Or about our date nights where he would say that he was out with his boys but really be at Red Lobster or at the Hoffman with me. (I been rewarding my pieces with Red Lobster before Bey ever mentioned it. :) )I could have but I kept my lips sealed because I didn’t want to mess up not seeing him again. Me and his girlfriend never fought or saw each other in person beside that one time. I decided to move on a year after settling for that bullshit and once I found out he had gotten her pregnant. Looking back I wouldn’t change what we did, I honestly enjoyed it. He was one of the best sexual partners of my life but he wasn’t for me. He wasn’t MINE & to be honest I wouldn’t want to be her cause to this day he still cheats on her and they are married now. So I wouldn’t change it but at my age I refuse to be involved in Side Piece Saturday in any caliber. And that’s where I question the black women that settle for this type of situation. 

We proud ourselves for being successful, for the plagues on our walls, for owning property, for eating our kale salads with the lemon drizzle but then we allow ourselves to be a side chick. WHY? How does this happen??? How can one love their selves enough to wear all of these badges of honor but then settle for less then what they deserve? Is it because we don’t completely love ourselves?  And yes I said we. We want to be loved or fucked and sometimes don’t care where the love/fucking is coming from. It’s not all the time that the male comes out up front and tells you about their other woman. They tell you lies cause that’s what ain’t shit niggas do, they lie. But a real man, a real man isn’t going to lie to you. He’s going to see you for the Queen you are and cherish you. 

It makes me sad that so many women choose to be the other woman and opposed to the only woman. Not to say one title may not come with the same bullshit as the other but it’s better then having to sneak around all the time to save his ass. Why is it that women are more loyal to the man then to do their damn selves? I have been there, oh trust me I have been there more times then I will ever admit but when you know better you do better and at this tender age of ___ I have no choice but to do better. It’s not as though Black Queens don’t already have enough stereotypes and stigmas that hang over our heads like a thorned crown but why lessen ourselves with titles that we shouldn’t have or that we give ourselves? 

 It’s time we do better. It’s a man for you out there you have to kiss a few toads before you find your Prince Charming. So grind hard Queen, take care of yourself, take sex off of the table and watch your King come. That’s something I’m working on myself. After being “heart broken” several times in the last 3 years I’m ok with being single and not settling for a fuck buddy or being a side piece. I rather be lonely. But don’t get it confused as long as I have myself, I’m never alone. 

Stay Blessed. 

Ade of Lemon

When the world gives you lemons, make a lemon drop and leave them stunted on how you did it…

Queen Bey has done it again. When she dropped Formation that was like her showing us the piece of a canvas she has painted the most beautiful painting on. The woman is genuis  and this isn’t a post to brag about Queen Bey but you must give credit when credit is due. She knew how  badly her fans wanted her new album ever since Formation dropped and she annouced that she was going on tour. I scrolled thru tweet after tweet of her fans begging for the album. Finally there was a date she was going to drop a visual album on HBO and her fans couldn’t be more excited. Finally she’s planning on showing the world the entire canvas. I say her fans because although I do enjoy her music, I’m not a die hard fan of hers. I listened to her music all my life and during tough tiimes which the words she has sang gotten me thru to the other side. I respect her hustle, the message and she is an inspiriation to look up to but that’s kind of where it ends with me.  As soon as the visual was over the album released on her husband’s streaming company Tidal. Genuis. 

Visual albums are changing the way that we look at music. I enjoy them more then hearing the music sometimes because it’s  like a little movie with songs that you like. I have  watched Lemonade a total of 4 times and of course that’s not saying much but like I said I’m not a die hard fan. I loved the narrative that was given and the steps in which she shows you what women who are cheated on go thru. Intitution, denial, anger, apathy, emptiness, accountability, reformation, forgiveness, resurrection, hope and redemption. Those are alot of emotions to go thru. And as a woman who has had her heart broken and have been cheated on I can say that’s really what you go thru. Especially if you want to make things work with that person who betrayed your trust. The visual is taking you on a journey of the pain to the recovery.  Being that Formation was shot in Lousiana I believe that this beautiful masterpiece was shot there as well. 

From the beginning to the end the music is inspring. Not just the beat but what she is actually saying. I’m not sure what it is about this woman but she inspires me. She empowers me to be better, to do better. I feel this boost of confidence that I didn’t feel prior to listening to her music or watching Lemonade. Yes it’s sad that she had to recall a time that she was cheated on and go thru the pain of that but with tracks like 6 inch heels and Freedom how can you not feel like you need to be great or create greatness??? She has given woman a plethora of witty captions for our Facebook, Instagram and SnapChat and things to write on our Twitter. But more important she has given us something to think about. 

The visuals show nothing but a cast of black girls and women of different shades, different hair textures and different backgrounds. Smart, beautiful women that are great in their own sense. There are cameos by Serena Willams, the mothers of slain teens Trayvon Martin and Micheal Brown, Winnie Harlow (who I just love), Amandla Stenberg, Zendaya and a host of others. It was so beautiful to see that these women was preparing meals then sitting together eating the meal it was just amazing to see and it’s an image that should be shown more. But with ratchet tv  and what not its not an image shown much. 

Back to the music…It’s suspected that the man she is talking about being cheated on was her husband. This sent the sleuths of the Internet going crazy looking for clues and wondering who could be the woman that S.Carter would cheat on The Queen Mother Bey first of her name. Mofos was really trying to put pieces of a puzzle as though she left breadcrumbs in her lyrics of who the chick may be. Then here comes thirst thot Rachel Roy *eye roll* with a comment refering to a lyric Bey said on her Instagram * eye roll*. Rachel Roy is the ex wife of Dame Dash (yes Jay’s homie Dame). She is the reason Solange was laying her paws on him in the elevator that year. It’s not something that happened more then once so I’m sure it can be googled. I roll my eyes continuly at Rachel cause that was a cheap attempt to get attention. It’s messy and as a woman in her 40’s she should have more class then that but hey *Kanye shrug* It wasn’t even an entire 24 hours that lemonade had dropped and the shenigans begin to start. Soon after the thotish behavior was released so was the Bey Hive stinging her with all sorts of comments and jabs. Don’t mess with The Queen Mother Bey, first of her name. 

This album has sparked so many questions not only about who Jay was cheating with but is it accpetable for men to be able to get away with cheating? Some saying that Jay is allowed to cheat because he’s Shawn Motherfucking Carter. *eye roll* Others say that she must don’t be doing something right *eye roll and deep sigh* I don’t know why Jay would want to cheat on Bey and to be honest I don’t care. Men cheat everyday, B. Some for reasons, others just because they are able to breath in air. That’s just how things are. Not to justify men’s bullshit that they are trying to sell with the content of this album. I’m just speaking from my experience, sad but it’s so true that men cheat.

If it true, that he cheated, she is showing us something so personal, something so painful and it proves the theory that Bey is just like us. She seconds guess herself, she goes thru heart breaks, and above all things she’s human. I listen to her album everyday, all day (well until Views come out) and it’s an admirable, graceful and wonderful masterpiece that others will look at when they need to get the strength to leave their no good man or when to figure out what to stay away from. Regardless your walk of life this is a piece of art that we can all relate to. The message is clear: Yes you may cheat on me, but I will leave you if need be. I will continue to stack this paper, I will always stay on my grind and if by chance I take you back you better make sure you don’t make the same mistaken twice. Oh and my favorite part is dust to side chicks. 

Stay blessed. 

G(ood) V(ibes) O(nly)

I was reading Joel Osteen’s book “ I delcare” one beautiful April morning. I tend to read at least one of his chapters everyday to start my day off right with good vibes and place myself (if it’s not already) in a good mood. I was reading chapter 14 and in this delcaration it talks about blessing people with your words. It has a small affrimation that reads “I’m proud of you, I love you, you are amazing, you are talented, you are beautiful, you will do great things in life.” I sent that out to tweleve of my closet friends and family members. The repsonses I got back was inspiring and eye opening at the same time.

When I sent the text out to those individuals I didn’t sent it in a group text. I also didn’t add any special notes in the text body. Just a swift copy and paste and send. I sent this off to give these people that I care about greatly and I’m not sure if I tell them how aewsome they are enough.  That particular morning I didn’t know all of their worries or problems. I didn’t know how their morning went or how the prior evening went all I knew was that I wanted to send these people some positivity. So I sent it. 

The first response I recieved from one of the tweleve was “This isn’t a suicide note is it?” I felt many mixed emotions about this reply. I was disgusted that he would even suggest such a thing. My life may seem dreary to some but I’m far from sucidical. I was very disappointed that he couldn’t see the sun shining down on him in his clouds. I know that he is a Class A pessimist and would complain about anything possibly possible to complain about on a beuatiful day so I can’t be totally dissatisifed with him for not seeing the beauty in what I sent to him. The next response came from my sis who even though we don’t have the same parents, that’s blood. She replied with a message as loving and positive as the one I sent. I knew she would give me what I gave her even though that wasn’t my objective. To be quite honest I didn’t know what to expect from these people. 

Someone asked me if I meant to send that to her as though by some chance she felt as though she didn’t deserve such a loving and uplifting message from me. Or as though she thought I couldn’t produce such of a message. And to be fair I didn’t, Joel did. I just shared it to the approriate people. Which should have been enough but it made me go to Twitter and ask “Why is it so hard for you niggas to accept someone sending you some positivity?” I mean cause really let me get that same message and I would be over joyed. I would two step my day away knowing someone thinks enough of me to send me that. But… I recieved two more “Is this for me?” and two more “ Are you ok?” messages. All others was nothing but grateful to recieve such a message and told me they love me too or a simple thank you. I also sent it to a group chat of women that I have known since before I could remember and although I didn’t go back to check the other responses the inital responses was enough to make me shake my head and close the app we use to communicate on. 

 I didn’t expect a respsonse but those that replied back being grateful made me smile a bit my day went on as planned. It was those that couldn’t t phanthom the idea of me sending such a text is what bothered me a bit. So it made me to come to this conlusion: That not every one can handle being told that they are loved by someone else. Regardless if it is platonic, family or friends with benefits.  Also I noticed that not all people are open to accept positivity or being shown gratitude for whatever accomplishments that they have. I really think it’s quite sad. Aren’t you suppose to show praise or love to your homies? Aren’t you suppose to lift those up who are around you? I mean how do you expect to be great if those you consider squad are you are iight (please say that in the ratchtest voice possible)???? Is it really that bad out here that mofos is that miserable that they can’t accept love or a little ray of sunshine?? I’m not sure, nor is it my problem to worry about the misery one may or may not be in. All I can keep doing is to keep recieving the affrimations and positive messages and sending that positivity out there to the Universe.  Maybe the people I share my messages with will share it to someone else, maybe not. That’s not my problem, as long as I stay positive and keep positive people around me then I’m good. It’s the law of attraction, think good and you shall attract good. Do good and you shall be good. It’s quite simple. 

Be blessed. 

Gilli's Book Club: The Four Agreements

I have recently finish reading this book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s available on iBooks and all major retail book sellers. The concept of it is to inform you how even though we are living in hell on Earth that we are able to live in our own heaven if we abide by these four agreements. It also talks about other great things that you should grab the book and read it and thank me later.

One of the four is to be impeccable with your word. The word impeccable means to be in accordance with the highest standards of propriety; faultless. Your word can move armies or it can destroy dynasties. The author described your word as being a two edge sword. On one side it can create a beautiful dream on the other side it can destroy everything around you. It’s hard to not be negative with your word. Especially in times when you have been hurt or someone is trying to hurt you. Think about the last time you have said something nasty to a loved one. You called them a son of a such and such or a mother of a such and such. That’s not being impeccable, use your word to bring one up not down. Also watch the things that you say to yourself. Self abuse is real. Your words of negative talk will bring you negative circumstances. The law of attraction is something that should be belived in. If you place good energy in the things around you, people, animals, even n your own space then good things will come to you. But you have to eliminate self abuse and negative self talk. Instead of saying “I’m dumb.” try “ That wasn’t a good decision but I’ll make sure next time to make a wiser one.” The abuse level that you give yourself is what you will actually take from another person. If a  person says your dumb you might believe it because you have already told yourself this. CUT THAT SHIT OUT!!!! You are incredible. Even when life’s obstacles get in your way don’t ever think that you are not stellar!

The second is to don’t take anything personal. You get cut off by someone on the road. You honk then you find yourself swearing and calling him/her names. It’s not because it was you that they cut you off. It’s because they are in a rush or have some issues they are dealing with. If you sit back and think about how someone treated you nasty or did something to you that tried to hurt you, it wasn’t you that made them do those things they did them because they are dealing with their own demons. If someone calls you dumb, that’s how they feel about themselves. It doesn’t have anything to do about you and don’t let them plant that seed of negativity into your brain because then you will start to believe that and then you will tell yourself that bullshit. Nothing that other people do is because of you. ISo don’t take it personally.

The third agreement is don’t make assumptions. Something that I battle with everyday. We make assumptions of people’s behavior because they exhibit  the same behavior that someone else in the past has. We begin to believe our assumptions and blame the other person even though they aren’t doing those things. We lash out and treat them harshly because of assumptions we played out in our own mind. Taking things personally and making assumptions go hand and hand. If you can stop doing one then you can stop doing the other and begin to live a live of happiness and bliss. You need to make sure to ask for clarification in all areas of your life. If you find yourself unsure ask, don’t assume. For example, your partner tells you that at the last minute that they are going out  girls/guys night. You don’t remember them telling you this and you begin to assume that they didn’t tell you this because they aren’t really going to hang they are going to cheat or be decietful in some shape or fashion. So you start to say hurtful things and go against agreement number 1 (Be impeccable with your word). Now you are both in bad moods and in all reality they just really forgot to you that they was going to hang out with their friends. So if you didn’t assume the worst and let your partner leave and come back things would have went alot smoother and now you wouldn’t have to deal with a fuck-nado (like a tornado but its fucked) that you occured. Don’t assume that you aren’t good enough because someone else got that promotion you wanted. They just may have different skills then you, it doesn’t take away from your awesomeness. Don’t assume the cashier at Wendy’s snapped at you because you asked for extra sauce. (Why do they act as if the extra sauce will deducted from their pay?) You never know what people are dealing with internally and not all people are emotionally stable enough to control their emotions. I’m sure we have all heard the saying” Don’t assume because you make an ASS out of yourself.” It still applies…

The fourth agreement is to always do your best. Now that seems simple enough. You want to run, do your best at running. You want to write a book, do your best at writing that book. You want to suck dick for money and do blow, make sure that you are the best dick sucker and blow snorter that their is. Whatever you want to do, regardless of what it is do your best at it and you will be happy. There will be no space for taking things personally or making assumptions if you do your best. That is also something to practice when being impeccable with your word. Now listen sometimes we just aren’t up for it but we have to push ourselves to constantly do our best. There have been days when my alarm clock will go off and I will say “Do I gotta adult today?” Then I will get my ass up and I will go adult and make the best of my day. Having that type of positive energy will make you have a positive day. No one can get in your way but you.

I’m on a pursuit of happiness. I am finding out what things bring me joy and that give me peace. I am working on becoming a person in all areas of my life. I don’t want to be one who engages in petty arguments or even gives someone that much of my energy and time to get me upset. Or a person who says whatever out of her face. Someone who assumes the worst without asking questions. I ESPECIALLY don’t want to be known as someone who doesn’t do her best at life. I’m making an amends to my ways so that I can use the four agreements in my daily life so that I can learn to live in my personal heaven on hell. The book is a good read and will open your third eye to a new way of thinking about things.

As always stay blessed

To Whom it May Concern

To whom it may concern,

Don’t allow just anyone into your space. Not everyone is worthy of it. Their mouth may say one thing while the intentions of that person is and can be totally opposite. There is a species of males to be aware of called “fuck boys”. They like to pretend to be one thing and turn out to be completely another. They start off charming, then they might have an incident where they turn sour. It may happen so quickly that you don’t even notice it because your head is so far into the clouds. But then there are more instances of when his fuck boyness shows and you start to question him.You don't ask him about his behavior and actions but yourself. You begin to ask your friends if this is normal behavior to expect from a man? A fuck boy may appear to be a man but he isn’t. He comes dressed dapper with swag and an impeccable speech but be aware. Be aware of the men you let into your space because they can mess up your energy. Bad people bring bad energy and you might not notice that until things have gotten too far or its too late. Never be ashamed to ask questions like “Where is this going?” or “What are we?” because those are important questions and those are things that need to be known before going to the next step with a person. Never give up who you are to please someone else. You are unique and special.  It may seem as though I’m rambling,which I am but it’s just that its so important for you to know these things. There are fuck girls out here and my young kings you need to be aware of them. They try to use you and drain you but you should notice their fuckness behavior before you get into too deep and lawd forbid you have a baby by them. Geesh… Always be upfront with who you are and no one can ever second guess your motives. Give yourself to a person because you see them for more then just a fun time and a nut. Sex without love is just excerise and at this age I should be JLo ripped. Never think that what you hear about a man isn’t facts on his behavior, just because you haven’t seen it yet doesn’t mean it won’t happen. No matter how good the sex is or the potential you see in a person take their ass for the face value that they are showing you and then you will never be hurt by their actions or think twice about cutting them off. But also be aware of your behavior and actions, plus the energy that you are giving to those in your space. I'm not perfect I have made mistakes. When I do I take responsibility for my actions and consequences from the mistakes I have made (even though I try to talk my way out of it )because as an adult woman I have no choice but to pick up the peices, reasse the situation without clouded vision and move the fuck on. There is nothing worst then being a man or woman who don’t know when to move on. Not to say don’t show no emotion as though that person didn’t mean anything to you just not on social media or on that person's voicemail inbox. Take a day or a weekend and dust yourself off, pick yourself up and keep it the fuck pushing. As Queen Bey says ”The best revenge is your paper.” It takes alot out of you to not want to demonstrate acts of violence. Like slash his tires, scratch up his car and bust out his windows BUT those things will get you killed or locked up. And with that he/she wins. Never let them know they got the best of you by exhibiting signs of hurt emotions. That’s giving them too much of your power. That’s giving them too much of your energy. Take what they was to you and then throw it into the trash. It’s easier said then done but that doesn’t make it impossible for it to happen. It’s always the sunniest after a bad storm. And during that storm don’t beat yourself up. If you feel you are at fault, own up and make sure to never make those same mistakes again. If the other party is at fault well then take it as a learning lesson and keep it thee fuck pushing. One monkey don’t stop no show. No matter how good he look, what he has or how good the sex is. Don't settle, watch the signs and juke the fuck boys.

Stay blessed.

BLACK Woman Lost

I have recently lost my job that I held for two years in a field I have been in for 13 years and due to my actions it has resulted into me losing my job. I have never felt more lost in my thirty two years then I do in this moment. I know that I need to get another job, but I'm not sure if it's suppose to be in the same field as I have established my career in. Here is where comes the dilemma.

As of recently I have been thinking about my purpose in this life. I have been questioning my career path and what I would be doing if I wasn't doing what I have been doing for the last thirteen years. The Sunday before I lost my job I have possessed this question about my life and although I have the thoughts about what would make me happy, I'm deterred by the amount work that I would have to take to get those things done. I think that I'm too old, I have all of these thoughts of how I'm going to be defeated before I even get on the field. This is how I'm my own worst enemy. I fool myself into thinking that I can't do these things that I dream of doing. That for whatever reason I am going to fail when I haven't even tried. Failure scares me. Not only when pursuing a dream but in relationships. As a way of facing my fears or starting to pursue my dreams I have started this blog...and here we are.

I believe that I have lost my job at this point in my life where I am trying to figure out myself and figure out my purpose in life as a sign from the Universe. I have lost focus somewhere and I have to regain that focus. Lesson learned. but this lesson will either break me or make me. I choose for it to make me. Make me into a better woman, a better professional and to make me a better role model to those who look up to me. I have been going thru life not thinking about the latter, those who look up to me. I have just been out here doing whatever. But I feel like at this moment that I have major things to figure out and this amble time that I have will give me the time to do just that.

Be blessed and stay tuned.