Gilli's Book Club: The Four Agreements

I have recently finish reading this book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s available on iBooks and all major retail book sellers. The concept of it is to inform you how even though we are living in hell on Earth that we are able to live in our own heaven if we abide by these four agreements. It also talks about other great things that you should grab the book and read it and thank me later.

One of the four is to be impeccable with your word. The word impeccable means to be in accordance with the highest standards of propriety; faultless. Your word can move armies or it can destroy dynasties. The author described your word as being a two edge sword. On one side it can create a beautiful dream on the other side it can destroy everything around you. It’s hard to not be negative with your word. Especially in times when you have been hurt or someone is trying to hurt you. Think about the last time you have said something nasty to a loved one. You called them a son of a such and such or a mother of a such and such. That’s not being impeccable, use your word to bring one up not down. Also watch the things that you say to yourself. Self abuse is real. Your words of negative talk will bring you negative circumstances. The law of attraction is something that should be belived in. If you place good energy in the things around you, people, animals, even n your own space then good things will come to you. But you have to eliminate self abuse and negative self talk. Instead of saying “I’m dumb.” try “ That wasn’t a good decision but I’ll make sure next time to make a wiser one.” The abuse level that you give yourself is what you will actually take from another person. If a  person says your dumb you might believe it because you have already told yourself this. CUT THAT SHIT OUT!!!! You are incredible. Even when life’s obstacles get in your way don’t ever think that you are not stellar!

The second is to don’t take anything personal. You get cut off by someone on the road. You honk then you find yourself swearing and calling him/her names. It’s not because it was you that they cut you off. It’s because they are in a rush or have some issues they are dealing with. If you sit back and think about how someone treated you nasty or did something to you that tried to hurt you, it wasn’t you that made them do those things they did them because they are dealing with their own demons. If someone calls you dumb, that’s how they feel about themselves. It doesn’t have anything to do about you and don’t let them plant that seed of negativity into your brain because then you will start to believe that and then you will tell yourself that bullshit. Nothing that other people do is because of you. ISo don’t take it personally.

The third agreement is don’t make assumptions. Something that I battle with everyday. We make assumptions of people’s behavior because they exhibit  the same behavior that someone else in the past has. We begin to believe our assumptions and blame the other person even though they aren’t doing those things. We lash out and treat them harshly because of assumptions we played out in our own mind. Taking things personally and making assumptions go hand and hand. If you can stop doing one then you can stop doing the other and begin to live a live of happiness and bliss. You need to make sure to ask for clarification in all areas of your life. If you find yourself unsure ask, don’t assume. For example, your partner tells you that at the last minute that they are going out  girls/guys night. You don’t remember them telling you this and you begin to assume that they didn’t tell you this because they aren’t really going to hang they are going to cheat or be decietful in some shape or fashion. So you start to say hurtful things and go against agreement number 1 (Be impeccable with your word). Now you are both in bad moods and in all reality they just really forgot to you that they was going to hang out with their friends. So if you didn’t assume the worst and let your partner leave and come back things would have went alot smoother and now you wouldn’t have to deal with a fuck-nado (like a tornado but its fucked) that you occured. Don’t assume that you aren’t good enough because someone else got that promotion you wanted. They just may have different skills then you, it doesn’t take away from your awesomeness. Don’t assume the cashier at Wendy’s snapped at you because you asked for extra sauce. (Why do they act as if the extra sauce will deducted from their pay?) You never know what people are dealing with internally and not all people are emotionally stable enough to control their emotions. I’m sure we have all heard the saying” Don’t assume because you make an ASS out of yourself.” It still applies…

The fourth agreement is to always do your best. Now that seems simple enough. You want to run, do your best at running. You want to write a book, do your best at writing that book. You want to suck dick for money and do blow, make sure that you are the best dick sucker and blow snorter that their is. Whatever you want to do, regardless of what it is do your best at it and you will be happy. There will be no space for taking things personally or making assumptions if you do your best. That is also something to practice when being impeccable with your word. Now listen sometimes we just aren’t up for it but we have to push ourselves to constantly do our best. There have been days when my alarm clock will go off and I will say “Do I gotta adult today?” Then I will get my ass up and I will go adult and make the best of my day. Having that type of positive energy will make you have a positive day. No one can get in your way but you.

I’m on a pursuit of happiness. I am finding out what things bring me joy and that give me peace. I am working on becoming a person in all areas of my life. I don’t want to be one who engages in petty arguments or even gives someone that much of my energy and time to get me upset. Or a person who says whatever out of her face. Someone who assumes the worst without asking questions. I ESPECIALLY don’t want to be known as someone who doesn’t do her best at life. I’m making an amends to my ways so that I can use the four agreements in my daily life so that I can learn to live in my personal heaven on hell. The book is a good read and will open your third eye to a new way of thinking about things.

As always stay blessed

To Whom it May Concern

To whom it may concern,

Don’t allow just anyone into your space. Not everyone is worthy of it. Their mouth may say one thing while the intentions of that person is and can be totally opposite. There is a species of males to be aware of called “fuck boys”. They like to pretend to be one thing and turn out to be completely another. They start off charming, then they might have an incident where they turn sour. It may happen so quickly that you don’t even notice it because your head is so far into the clouds. But then there are more instances of when his fuck boyness shows and you start to question him.You don't ask him about his behavior and actions but yourself. You begin to ask your friends if this is normal behavior to expect from a man? A fuck boy may appear to be a man but he isn’t. He comes dressed dapper with swag and an impeccable speech but be aware. Be aware of the men you let into your space because they can mess up your energy. Bad people bring bad energy and you might not notice that until things have gotten too far or its too late. Never be ashamed to ask questions like “Where is this going?” or “What are we?” because those are important questions and those are things that need to be known before going to the next step with a person. Never give up who you are to please someone else. You are unique and special.  It may seem as though I’m rambling,which I am but it’s just that its so important for you to know these things. There are fuck girls out here and my young kings you need to be aware of them. They try to use you and drain you but you should notice their fuckness behavior before you get into too deep and lawd forbid you have a baby by them. Geesh… Always be upfront with who you are and no one can ever second guess your motives. Give yourself to a person because you see them for more then just a fun time and a nut. Sex without love is just excerise and at this age I should be JLo ripped. Never think that what you hear about a man isn’t facts on his behavior, just because you haven’t seen it yet doesn’t mean it won’t happen. No matter how good the sex is or the potential you see in a person take their ass for the face value that they are showing you and then you will never be hurt by their actions or think twice about cutting them off. But also be aware of your behavior and actions, plus the energy that you are giving to those in your space. I'm not perfect I have made mistakes. When I do I take responsibility for my actions and consequences from the mistakes I have made (even though I try to talk my way out of it )because as an adult woman I have no choice but to pick up the peices, reasse the situation without clouded vision and move the fuck on. There is nothing worst then being a man or woman who don’t know when to move on. Not to say don’t show no emotion as though that person didn’t mean anything to you just not on social media or on that person's voicemail inbox. Take a day or a weekend and dust yourself off, pick yourself up and keep it the fuck pushing. As Queen Bey says ”The best revenge is your paper.” It takes alot out of you to not want to demonstrate acts of violence. Like slash his tires, scratch up his car and bust out his windows BUT those things will get you killed or locked up. And with that he/she wins. Never let them know they got the best of you by exhibiting signs of hurt emotions. That’s giving them too much of your power. That’s giving them too much of your energy. Take what they was to you and then throw it into the trash. It’s easier said then done but that doesn’t make it impossible for it to happen. It’s always the sunniest after a bad storm. And during that storm don’t beat yourself up. If you feel you are at fault, own up and make sure to never make those same mistakes again. If the other party is at fault well then take it as a learning lesson and keep it thee fuck pushing. One monkey don’t stop no show. No matter how good he look, what he has or how good the sex is. Don't settle, watch the signs and juke the fuck boys.

Stay blessed.

BLACK Woman Lost

I have recently lost my job that I held for two years in a field I have been in for 13 years and due to my actions it has resulted into me losing my job. I have never felt more lost in my thirty two years then I do in this moment. I know that I need to get another job, but I'm not sure if it's suppose to be in the same field as I have established my career in. Here is where comes the dilemma.

As of recently I have been thinking about my purpose in this life. I have been questioning my career path and what I would be doing if I wasn't doing what I have been doing for the last thirteen years. The Sunday before I lost my job I have possessed this question about my life and although I have the thoughts about what would make me happy, I'm deterred by the amount work that I would have to take to get those things done. I think that I'm too old, I have all of these thoughts of how I'm going to be defeated before I even get on the field. This is how I'm my own worst enemy. I fool myself into thinking that I can't do these things that I dream of doing. That for whatever reason I am going to fail when I haven't even tried. Failure scares me. Not only when pursuing a dream but in relationships. As a way of facing my fears or starting to pursue my dreams I have started this blog...and here we are.

I believe that I have lost my job at this point in my life where I am trying to figure out myself and figure out my purpose in life as a sign from the Universe. I have lost focus somewhere and I have to regain that focus. Lesson learned. but this lesson will either break me or make me. I choose for it to make me. Make me into a better woman, a better professional and to make me a better role model to those who look up to me. I have been going thru life not thinking about the latter, those who look up to me. I have just been out here doing whatever. But I feel like at this moment that I have major things to figure out and this amble time that I have will give me the time to do just that.

Be blessed and stay tuned.

Know your lane...On the Side

Ladies,

Have you ever been feeling a guy ? The things are going good? He’s a gentleman or hood (whatever you like)? He replies to your text in a reasonable amount of time? He comes over with wine and food but something just seems off? You begin to realize that he never calls you when he is home or he rather come to your house then invite you over to his? My friend you may be a side chick.

Being a side piece is not a position that most people want unless they are already in a relationship & are looking for cheating with ease. It could be also a possibility that they are looking for a friends with benefits situation. There are some benefits with being a side joint like not having to commit, ample free time, not having to answer to one person and being able to screw said person when you both have the time. It could be beneficial as well as heart breaking due to the fact that sometimes women tend to develop feelings for the person that they are having sex with. Not only that, you would crave for this person and when they are unavailable to you due to him spending time with wifey you will begin to feel lonely.  Which sucks especially when the holiday season creeps around.

My name is Gilli and I have been a side chick. I foolishly at one time thought that man could be actually mine’s one day. That ends up to never be the case. Those men would never leave their woman for you. PERIOD!!!! No matter how good your cooking is, how many pairs of Balenciagas  or Jimmy Choo loafers you get him or how good your deep throat skills are. They would never leave her. But ask yourself this: Why would you want a man that you KNOW cheats? It’s not that much reform in the world that will stop a man from doing what he wants to do. I have noticed that men will only be the stand up guy for the woman that he wants to be with. Not to say he won’t cheat, just to say that the main chick will always come first. 

It’s not an uncommon thing to fall for a guy knowing what his relationship status is and beginning  a sexual relationship with him. Men and women have been doing since the beginning of time. The sexual tension may be lingering in the air. Your curiosity may get the better of you. It’s second nature to feel a desire to go after something/someone that you know you shouldn’t go after. Whatever your reason its cool just don’t think that you can’t dictate what happens. There are rules (like with everything else) to being a side chick and they must be followed.

1. You can’t allow yourself to fall in love with him. Or catch any type of emotional feelings  AT ALL!!!! He isn’t yours,  you are leasing him. Once he has met his peak mileage return him back to the dealer. Then go shopping for a better model that you can own.
2. NEVER and I mean NEVER follow his girl on social media. That is nothing but a recipe for disaster. Even if you are about that disaster starting life, please don’t do it.  It’ll go like this, you bam out on her IG, Facebook, Periscope whatever social media site you choose to act like a cold weak joint on. Then he calls you and checks you for your weak joint behavior, decides not to mess with you and not only does he go home to wifey but finds a new side chick! So you catching feelings not only has you getting cut off from the peen but you are also looking crazy on social media for checking another chick about HER man! Not only that you can’t read and clearly violated rule #1!!!! 
3. No calls, only texts and do not save his number. Only time he should call you is to say that he’s outside and for you to open the door. And that’s only after he tried to text you and the text went unanswered. 
4. It should be a temporary situation. You could have just gotten out of a relationship a few months ago and want to have sex without jumping into a relationship. Whatever the reason. Set the rules and boundaries of what you expect from him. Just because you are not the main does not mean you can’t set the rules of your situation. Set a timeline on when you want to get out of the situation. Unless he's Muslim or a polygamist there won't be any wedding bells or sister -wives ending for your fuckship. 
5. Be able to handle being lonely. He won’t be able to be there for you to fulfill your every need. He won’t be able to take you to the movies every Saturday. Maybe can’t come fix the slow drip in your kitchen sink. Or to watch your favorite tv show. Holidays will be spent with his girl. The nights you want him will not be the nights you get him. Someone else comes before you. He may have a family and they damn sure are coming before you. So get a body pillow and name him Ben cause honey that’s the only thing you would be cuddling with. That’s the hard truth.
   

Whatever reason you find yourself settling for second best know that this is a situation that won’t be an easy one to deal with. You can find yourself agreeing to the rules at the beginning but at the end messing the whole shit up. I have found that it is easy to say that you can deal with it at the beginning. You tell yourself “Oh girl you got this!!! Shit I’m going be alright.Plus the dick is bomb! ” By the 5th month you may end up drinking or crying yourself to sleep cuz he can’t come over or won’t answer.  “Why won’t he answer?” You ask yourself. I know why fool, cuz he’s with the chick he told you about before you started letting him put his thumb in your butt & you begin to treat that dick like it's yours!  This situation isn’t for the faint at heart. It may lead to regret.  All that energy you used you could have put in a man that doesn’t have a woman and could give you 100%  not 50%! 

Be smart, always know what you are dealing with and make sure that you are able to mentally deal with it. If not then don’t trip, let him find the next chick to make his girl miserable with. There is a man out here with an extra inch trying to give you his time that is better then the one who’s playing games with you. 

Peace and Blessings. 

“Judging is for jurors, Judges and God. If you aren’t none mentioned then there is no need to judge. We all done did some hoe shit before.”- Yours truly 

Beware of A Man with A Brokenheart

There are somethings in life I admit that I will just not understand. Some of those things is how mothers can neglect their children, calculus and algorithms. But what has me stumped today is how a man who claims to have loved a woman would go out of his way to try to bring her down after the relationship is over. I try not to be a petty/bitter person when it comes to a break up. At the age that I am break ups aren’t new to me. I have had my heart broken. I had the moments when I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on living without a person. And of course I have thoughts of committing acts of violence that would certainly get me serious time in jail. I’m not about that jail life tho, so I commit them in my head. lol I am human and I have flaws just like any other person but at the end of the day I’m not bitter. I give myself 2-3 days to get over it and without interaction with that person I am fine. Or at least that is what I try to portray to my friends and family. But let’s be honest break ups are hard to deal with. Your brain and heart makes you feel that you are depressed and goes thru chemical changes that make you think that you can’t go on without that person. Being real I have said that a thousand times and I look at me… still living and shit.  Sometimes when it feels like you can’t go on without that person it could be for financial reasons, you don’t think you will get that companionship from anyone else or you don’t like being alone. Mines have always been the latter of the three. I don’t like being alone. It is something that I realized and I am working on it. I'm forever a work in progress. Ever since my ex moved out I have enjoyed having my own space, not having to share the tv, not bitching and complaining about him not doing things around the house that I felt must be done and cleaning up behind a grown ass man. I’m not using this platform to bash him because with time and karma I know that all that he has did wrong to me would be made right. Like I said I’m not petty, I don’t tend to let broken relationships make me bitter but better. The man I was with for 2.5 years took to social media try to make himself look better for whatever reason and to make me look like I am nothing. And by all means if he felt like I was nothing then it was his choice to feel like it but to do it on social media is where I, as an adult of 32 years, draws the line. This is the same man that told me just two days prior how he misses me and still loves me. But then turns around and post malicious content about yours truly. I am no saint, I have flaws and I KNOW that I am a piece of work. But I am loyal, I am a giver and pleaser. The qualities I possess are not rare but they are worth it. I have been asking myself why regarding his actions all evening and  I found out if you ask yourself a question long enough you can come up with all of the answers yourself. I know why he did it. He’s mad, he’s bitter, he’s weak. I have yet to post anything about him being vicious and though i have engaged in conversations that I know I shouldn’t have with this man I have yet to be mean to him. I believe that karma will get to you when you least expect it and i try to put good out into the universe so that I can get it back tenfold. I wanted to retaliate with vicious words and ferocious behavior but I am an adult, I have a career to think about and an image of being a Queen to uphold. Though my crown might slide down I make sure that it never falls. Plus if I respond to every ignoble person I would be as ignorant as them.  Break ups are meant for the two people involved in the relationship to deal with. For the two people to find time to heal, lick their wounds and move on. Like I said before break ups hurt, they are sometimes hard to get over but they are necessary for you to grow. If the Higher Beings wanted for life to be easy then how would we ever grow? We grow best at times when things are going wrong, not when they are going right. “If there is no struggle there is no progress.” Frederick Douglas said that in 1857 and those are the words that I see every morning when I log on to my computer at work. Because it is true, there is no progress without a struggle and that is in all aspects of life. The internet is no place to air dirty laundry because you’re hurt and as a man to do that it gets you NO respect from other men or women. Weak women might think that’s cute but a strong woman wouldn’t.  For those who think running to the internet will make you feel better to curse out your ex or to expose secrets that only the two of you share you are wrong. The things you say, especially on the internet, will always have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass. You can go from being able to be cordial with the one you still love (let’s face it if you are trying to hurt the other person you are still in love) to burning a bridge that you might need to cross in the future. You never know how those positions will change so in life try to do good when people treat you wrong, forgive fast and forget slowly and never use the internet as a place to show your pain. Those are just a few tips to live by. You make yourself look weak as a person and if you are a male doing this you are better off tucking your package and get your “Caitlyn Jenner” on. Men do manly things and boys do childish things. Men need to learn how to be men and not boys. To the females that constantly bash their ex or child(ern)’s father you can’t complain about him, you slept with him.  And to some boy men that’s all that matters. 

Stay blessed 

STARTING FRESH

It has been a while since I have written anything, let alone publish a blog where I can say whatever my little heart desires. Let me start off by informing my readers about who I am so I decided to google 25 rand questions that I will answer to break the ice ...

Question 1: Do you have any pets ? 

Yes 

Question 2: Name three things that are physically close to you?

My phone (a must at ALL times)

My hookah 

LATg study manual 

Question 3: What’s the weather like right now ?

partly cloudy 88 degrees

Questions 4: Do you drive ? If so, have you crashed?

Yes I do and yes I have (smh)Question 5: What time did you wake up this morning ?

5:30 amQuestion 6: When was the last time you showered ?

last night at 11:40ish pm Question 7: What was the last movie that you saw ?

O Brother, where art thou?

Question 8: What does you last text message say?

Did you walk the pooch?

Question 9: What is your ringtone ?

Hoizer Take Me To Church Question 10: Have you ever been to a different country?

MexicoQuestion 11: Do you like sushi?

it's iightQuestion 12: Where do you buy your groceries?

Shoppers, Wegman's, Safeway, where ever there are deals lol Question 13: Have you ever taken any medication to help you fall asleep faster?

Yes Benadryl allergy works like a charm lol (no judge zone)Question 14: How many siblings do you have ?

1 an older brother Question 15: Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

laptop 

Question 16: How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

it will be my 3rd anniversary of my 30th birthdayQuestion 17: Do you wear contacts or glasses ?

Glasses

Question 18: Do you colour your hair ?

Yep blonde ends with dark brown roots Question 19: Tell me something you are planing to do today:

Go to the gym Question 20: When was the last time you cried?

When I went to see Furious 7 (did I mention this was a judge free zone?)Question 21: What is your perfect pizza topping?

Pepperoni!!!!! Question 22: Which do you prefer, hamburger or cheeseburger ?

Cheeseburger Question 23: Have you ever had an all-nighter ?

But of courseQuestion 24: What is your eye colour ?

dark brown Question 25: Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke

No but I prefer Pepsi

 I will try to blog twice a week. Please bare with me I am working on trying to not be a procrastinator