Know your lane...On the Side

Ladies,

Have you ever been feeling a guy ? The things are going good? He’s a gentleman or hood (whatever you like)? He replies to your text in a reasonable amount of time? He comes over with wine and food but something just seems off? You begin to realize that he never calls you when he is home or he rather come to your house then invite you over to his? My friend you may be a side chick.

Being a side piece is not a position that most people want unless they are already in a relationship & are looking for cheating with ease. It could be also a possibility that they are looking for a friends with benefits situation. There are some benefits with being a side joint like not having to commit, ample free time, not having to answer to one person and being able to screw said person when you both have the time. It could be beneficial as well as heart breaking due to the fact that sometimes women tend to develop feelings for the person that they are having sex with. Not only that, you would crave for this person and when they are unavailable to you due to him spending time with wifey you will begin to feel lonely.  Which sucks especially when the holiday season creeps around.

My name is Gilli and I have been a side chick. I foolishly at one time thought that man could be actually mine’s one day. That ends up to never be the case. Those men would never leave their woman for you. PERIOD!!!! No matter how good your cooking is, how many pairs of Balenciagas  or Jimmy Choo loafers you get him or how good your deep throat skills are. They would never leave her. But ask yourself this: Why would you want a man that you KNOW cheats? It’s not that much reform in the world that will stop a man from doing what he wants to do. I have noticed that men will only be the stand up guy for the woman that he wants to be with. Not to say he won’t cheat, just to say that the main chick will always come first. 

It’s not an uncommon thing to fall for a guy knowing what his relationship status is and beginning  a sexual relationship with him. Men and women have been doing since the beginning of time. The sexual tension may be lingering in the air. Your curiosity may get the better of you. It’s second nature to feel a desire to go after something/someone that you know you shouldn’t go after. Whatever your reason its cool just don’t think that you can’t dictate what happens. There are rules (like with everything else) to being a side chick and they must be followed.

1. You can’t allow yourself to fall in love with him. Or catch any type of emotional feelings  AT ALL!!!! He isn’t yours,  you are leasing him. Once he has met his peak mileage return him back to the dealer. Then go shopping for a better model that you can own.
2. NEVER and I mean NEVER follow his girl on social media. That is nothing but a recipe for disaster. Even if you are about that disaster starting life, please don’t do it.  It’ll go like this, you bam out on her IG, Facebook, Periscope whatever social media site you choose to act like a cold weak joint on. Then he calls you and checks you for your weak joint behavior, decides not to mess with you and not only does he go home to wifey but finds a new side chick! So you catching feelings not only has you getting cut off from the peen but you are also looking crazy on social media for checking another chick about HER man! Not only that you can’t read and clearly violated rule #1!!!! 
3. No calls, only texts and do not save his number. Only time he should call you is to say that he’s outside and for you to open the door. And that’s only after he tried to text you and the text went unanswered. 
4. It should be a temporary situation. You could have just gotten out of a relationship a few months ago and want to have sex without jumping into a relationship. Whatever the reason. Set the rules and boundaries of what you expect from him. Just because you are not the main does not mean you can’t set the rules of your situation. Set a timeline on when you want to get out of the situation. Unless he's Muslim or a polygamist there won't be any wedding bells or sister -wives ending for your fuckship. 
5. Be able to handle being lonely. He won’t be able to be there for you to fulfill your every need. He won’t be able to take you to the movies every Saturday. Maybe can’t come fix the slow drip in your kitchen sink. Or to watch your favorite tv show. Holidays will be spent with his girl. The nights you want him will not be the nights you get him. Someone else comes before you. He may have a family and they damn sure are coming before you. So get a body pillow and name him Ben cause honey that’s the only thing you would be cuddling with. That’s the hard truth.
   

Whatever reason you find yourself settling for second best know that this is a situation that won’t be an easy one to deal with. You can find yourself agreeing to the rules at the beginning but at the end messing the whole shit up. I have found that it is easy to say that you can deal with it at the beginning. You tell yourself “Oh girl you got this!!! Shit I’m going be alright.Plus the dick is bomb! ” By the 5th month you may end up drinking or crying yourself to sleep cuz he can’t come over or won’t answer.  “Why won’t he answer?” You ask yourself. I know why fool, cuz he’s with the chick he told you about before you started letting him put his thumb in your butt & you begin to treat that dick like it's yours!  This situation isn’t for the faint at heart. It may lead to regret.  All that energy you used you could have put in a man that doesn’t have a woman and could give you 100%  not 50%! 

Be smart, always know what you are dealing with and make sure that you are able to mentally deal with it. If not then don’t trip, let him find the next chick to make his girl miserable with. There is a man out here with an extra inch trying to give you his time that is better then the one who’s playing games with you. 

Peace and Blessings. 

“Judging is for jurors, Judges and God. If you aren’t none mentioned then there is no need to judge. We all done did some hoe shit before.”- Yours truly 

Beware of A Man with A Brokenheart

There are somethings in life I admit that I will just not understand. Some of those things is how mothers can neglect their children, calculus and algorithms. But what has me stumped today is how a man who claims to have loved a woman would go out of his way to try to bring her down after the relationship is over. I try not to be a petty/bitter person when it comes to a break up. At the age that I am break ups aren’t new to me. I have had my heart broken. I had the moments when I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on living without a person. And of course I have thoughts of committing acts of violence that would certainly get me serious time in jail. I’m not about that jail life tho, so I commit them in my head. lol I am human and I have flaws just like any other person but at the end of the day I’m not bitter. I give myself 2-3 days to get over it and without interaction with that person I am fine. Or at least that is what I try to portray to my friends and family. But let’s be honest break ups are hard to deal with. Your brain and heart makes you feel that you are depressed and goes thru chemical changes that make you think that you can’t go on without that person. Being real I have said that a thousand times and I look at me… still living and shit.  Sometimes when it feels like you can’t go on without that person it could be for financial reasons, you don’t think you will get that companionship from anyone else or you don’t like being alone. Mines have always been the latter of the three. I don’t like being alone. It is something that I realized and I am working on it. I'm forever a work in progress. Ever since my ex moved out I have enjoyed having my own space, not having to share the tv, not bitching and complaining about him not doing things around the house that I felt must be done and cleaning up behind a grown ass man. I’m not using this platform to bash him because with time and karma I know that all that he has did wrong to me would be made right. Like I said I’m not petty, I don’t tend to let broken relationships make me bitter but better. The man I was with for 2.5 years took to social media try to make himself look better for whatever reason and to make me look like I am nothing. And by all means if he felt like I was nothing then it was his choice to feel like it but to do it on social media is where I, as an adult of 32 years, draws the line. This is the same man that told me just two days prior how he misses me and still loves me. But then turns around and post malicious content about yours truly. I am no saint, I have flaws and I KNOW that I am a piece of work. But I am loyal, I am a giver and pleaser. The qualities I possess are not rare but they are worth it. I have been asking myself why regarding his actions all evening and  I found out if you ask yourself a question long enough you can come up with all of the answers yourself. I know why he did it. He’s mad, he’s bitter, he’s weak. I have yet to post anything about him being vicious and though i have engaged in conversations that I know I shouldn’t have with this man I have yet to be mean to him. I believe that karma will get to you when you least expect it and i try to put good out into the universe so that I can get it back tenfold. I wanted to retaliate with vicious words and ferocious behavior but I am an adult, I have a career to think about and an image of being a Queen to uphold. Though my crown might slide down I make sure that it never falls. Plus if I respond to every ignoble person I would be as ignorant as them.  Break ups are meant for the two people involved in the relationship to deal with. For the two people to find time to heal, lick their wounds and move on. Like I said before break ups hurt, they are sometimes hard to get over but they are necessary for you to grow. If the Higher Beings wanted for life to be easy then how would we ever grow? We grow best at times when things are going wrong, not when they are going right. “If there is no struggle there is no progress.” Frederick Douglas said that in 1857 and those are the words that I see every morning when I log on to my computer at work. Because it is true, there is no progress without a struggle and that is in all aspects of life. The internet is no place to air dirty laundry because you’re hurt and as a man to do that it gets you NO respect from other men or women. Weak women might think that’s cute but a strong woman wouldn’t.  For those who think running to the internet will make you feel better to curse out your ex or to expose secrets that only the two of you share you are wrong. The things you say, especially on the internet, will always have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass. You can go from being able to be cordial with the one you still love (let’s face it if you are trying to hurt the other person you are still in love) to burning a bridge that you might need to cross in the future. You never know how those positions will change so in life try to do good when people treat you wrong, forgive fast and forget slowly and never use the internet as a place to show your pain. Those are just a few tips to live by. You make yourself look weak as a person and if you are a male doing this you are better off tucking your package and get your “Caitlyn Jenner” on. Men do manly things and boys do childish things. Men need to learn how to be men and not boys. To the females that constantly bash their ex or child(ern)’s father you can’t complain about him, you slept with him.  And to some boy men that’s all that matters. 

Stay blessed 

STARTING FRESH

It has been a while since I have written anything, let alone publish a blog where I can say whatever my little heart desires. Let me start off by informing my readers about who I am so I decided to google 25 rand questions that I will answer to break the ice ...

Question 1: Do you have any pets ? 

Yes 

Question 2: Name three things that are physically close to you?

My phone (a must at ALL times)

My hookah 

LATg study manual 

Question 3: What’s the weather like right now ?

partly cloudy 88 degrees

Questions 4: Do you drive ? If so, have you crashed?

Yes I do and yes I have (smh)Question 5: What time did you wake up this morning ?

5:30 amQuestion 6: When was the last time you showered ?

last night at 11:40ish pm Question 7: What was the last movie that you saw ?

O Brother, where art thou?

Question 8: What does you last text message say?

Did you walk the pooch?

Question 9: What is your ringtone ?

Hoizer Take Me To Church Question 10: Have you ever been to a different country?

MexicoQuestion 11: Do you like sushi?

it's iightQuestion 12: Where do you buy your groceries?

Shoppers, Wegman's, Safeway, where ever there are deals lol Question 13: Have you ever taken any medication to help you fall asleep faster?

Yes Benadryl allergy works like a charm lol (no judge zone)Question 14: How many siblings do you have ?

1 an older brother Question 15: Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

laptop 

Question 16: How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

it will be my 3rd anniversary of my 30th birthdayQuestion 17: Do you wear contacts or glasses ?

Glasses

Question 18: Do you colour your hair ?

Yep blonde ends with dark brown roots Question 19: Tell me something you are planing to do today:

Go to the gym Question 20: When was the last time you cried?

When I went to see Furious 7 (did I mention this was a judge free zone?)Question 21: What is your perfect pizza topping?

Pepperoni!!!!! Question 22: Which do you prefer, hamburger or cheeseburger ?

Cheeseburger Question 23: Have you ever had an all-nighter ?

But of courseQuestion 24: What is your eye colour ?

dark brown Question 25: Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke

No but I prefer Pepsi

 I will try to blog twice a week. Please bare with me I am working on trying to not be a procrastinator