On a cloudy Wednesday morning, she opens her eyes, says a silent prayer to the Lord and proceeds to check her email while she is still laying in her bed. She was anticipating an email from the Human Resources representative for the company she will starting work for. So as she scrolling thru her email, the sender of an email caught her eye. Her heart starts to pound and the butterflies in her stomach begin to flutter as she clicked on the email. She noticed that he replied to an email that she sent to him asking him kindly for him to come pick up a piece of furniture that he had left behind when he moved on. The date she sent that email was three months ago. “Oh so he did read my email?” she thought to herself. After examining the sender’s name, the date and time stamp she read what he took the time out of his day to type. It was one sentence. One that he could have kept to himself.
She stares at it. Reads it over and over as though it’s some cryptic message in it. As though he wrote the apology that she would never receive in those ten words that he typed. She looked at the sender’s name, then read those ten words again. She felt herself getting upset. She places her left thumb on the home key and right thumb on the power button. A flash comes over the screen, she closes out of her email. Not even checking for the email that she was looking for in the first place. Now not only are there butterflies fluttering so are her thoughts. “Why would he email that?” “ Why would he think I care if I know he’s proud of me?” “Why didn’t he keep that to himself?” Her mind is racing but she’s able to send that screen shot to several people in less then thirty seconds.
She ponders over her thoughts of what blog did he read, being that she has several. How did he get the link? He is blocked from her Twitter and Instagram page where the links for her blog are located. “Should I reply with a simple thank you? Or to go into how he could have kept that bullshit to himself and tell him to be proud of the new chick that has to deal with me & his lies!?” Her thoughts are cut short by her mother calling her name. The call she has been waiting for finally came thru. The blessing she has been waiting on has finally came into fruition. All thoughts of him and his mind fuckery email slowly disappeared from her thoughts. The biggest smile came across her face. And just like that, he’s forgotten. Or is he?
For the last four months she tried so hard to forget him. Not only to forget how things played out with them but the fact that deep inside she missed him. She wanted to talk to him like they use to talk. Laugh at jokes, text, subtweet each other and just be in his space. That was something that will never happen again. She goes about her day as normal. But being one who always wants to know the reason for something happening, she wonders why would he send that? He didn’t even tell her happy birthday but he’ll tell her he’s proud of her for posts that she wrote? “Why?” she asked herself.
This man who claims to not fuck with her still reads what she writes? Did he want to see if she wrote about him? Like what the fuck was his point? And just like that…he got into her brain without him even speaking a word. His hold on her found it’s grip again. The more and more she thought about those ten words, the more she cursed. “Fuck him and him being proud of me! I don’t need for him to be proud of me! I’m fucking proud of me! I went thru hell and pulled myself out of those flames! And he wants to talk about being fucking proud of me??? Who the fuck do you think you is?”
She use to crave his approval. His validation. His acceptance. Now she doesn’t need it nor want it. His hold loosens and falls away. The email remains to be words on a screen that don’t hold any merit or power. The questions that were pondered on earlier no longer matter. All the thoughts that was ignited were extinguished. Just like that…he’s non factor again.
Valar morghulis. All men must die. And so must their power.
Stay Blessed.
No comments:
Post a Comment