Girls just want to have fun

Oldie but goodie 

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I have a guilty pleasure…I like to watch ratchet television. More specifically I like to watch Love and Hip Hop in whatever city it may be in. To be honest, I actually love to get on Twitter on Monday night  and tweet about what’s going on or read the views of the show from my fellow Tweeters. The latest installment of Love and Hip Hop ATL has the usual mess but there is a love triangle that has me confused. It involves a bay mama, a girlfriend and the baby mother’s father which is the girlfriend’s boyfriend. It goes just like typical triangles, the male has a thing for two women. One he deals with so that he can still see his child and because he doesn’t want any drama that could come with not being able to see his child. And the other he says that he deals with because the sex is great and he can’t seem to leave either woman alone. 

These women met by the way of a reconnaissance mission. They end up fighting at a party that they wasn’t even invited to by the host and this is where things get a bit more messy and it makes me wonder. They end up meeting again this time with the man that is sleeping with both of these women. One asks him if he loves the other, then the other foams at the mouth waiting to pounce on the other. They don’t address the issue which is how a man has two women who are successful in their own right have them fighting and looking a damn mess on national tv? Or which one is the man going to stop hurting while he pleases his own selfish behaviors? 

Don’t get me wrong I’m not new to triangles and I’m not saying anything to make me seem as though I’m better then anyone because at one time or another I was sitting on the other side of the table wondering if he was going to leave her alone but I was the one that got left. So I can question women by asking them is this the best we can do? When have we begin to value ourself so poorly that we allow men to take away our power not only that in-between our legs but our voice to say no. Is dick that good?? Yes it is. But it should never come with the price of your morals and self respect. 

I was in a situation where I was lied to by the guy I was seeing. He said he didn’t have a girlfriend. I found out that he did one day by going to his house and with her answering the door in his boxer and wife beater. It’s funny how the Universe shows you what you need to see. Anyway she called him after I told her who I was and he came and tried to make a scene but end up running into the front door. LOL Years later and its still funny to me. He knew he was doing us wrong and that was karma smacking him with the door. Anyway he finally came out to me about his situation and because at the time I didn’t value myself I allowed myself to be his side piece. So many things annoyed me about the situation. One was that I was sharing what I wanted with her. Another was that I was limiting myself and that I didn’t love myself enough to know that I deserved better then what I was getting. But the dick was good and at that the time that was important to me so I settled. He made me feel like he was mines when we were together and when we weren’t… I was reminded that he was hers. Funny thing was that he would get jealous when I told him I was with someone else. Or when I told him that I was spending the night over someone else’s house. I would lie and say I was just to piss him off… Petty Betty. 

I allowed myself to be in a situation like that because I told myself that it worked, that it made him happy. She would call my phone and ask me about us and I would tell her to ask him. I was loyal to him even though he wasn’t loyal to me. I could have told her about the mornings that I went to their apartment to get some before going to work. Or about our date nights where he would say that he was out with his boys but really be at Red Lobster or at the Hoffman with me. (I been rewarding my pieces with Red Lobster before Bey ever mentioned it. :) )I could have but I kept my lips sealed because I didn’t want to mess up not seeing him again. Me and his girlfriend never fought or saw each other in person beside that one time. I decided to move on a year after settling for that bullshit and once I found out he had gotten her pregnant. Looking back I wouldn’t change what we did, I honestly enjoyed it. He was one of the best sexual partners of my life but he wasn’t for me. He wasn’t MINE & to be honest I wouldn’t want to be her cause to this day he still cheats on her and they are married now. So I wouldn’t change it but at my age I refuse to be involved in Side Piece Saturday in any caliber. And that’s where I question the black women that settle for this type of situation. 

We proud ourselves for being successful, for the plagues on our walls, for owning property, for eating our kale salads with the lemon drizzle but then we allow ourselves to be a side chick. WHY? How does this happen??? How can one love their selves enough to wear all of these badges of honor but then settle for less then what they deserve? Is it because we don’t completely love ourselves?  And yes I said we. We want to be loved or fucked and sometimes don’t care where the love/fucking is coming from. It’s not all the time that the male comes out up front and tells you about their other woman. They tell you lies cause that’s what ain’t shit niggas do, they lie. But a real man, a real man isn’t going to lie to you. He’s going to see you for the Queen you are and cherish you. 

It makes me sad that so many women choose to be the other woman and opposed to the only woman. Not to say one title may not come with the same bullshit as the other but it’s better then having to sneak around all the time to save his ass. Why is it that women are more loyal to the man then to do their damn selves? I have been there, oh trust me I have been there more times then I will ever admit but when you know better you do better and at this tender age of ___ I have no choice but to do better. It’s not as though Black Queens don’t already have enough stereotypes and stigmas that hang over our heads like a thorned crown but why lessen ourselves with titles that we shouldn’t have or that we give ourselves? 

 It’s time we do better. It’s a man for you out there you have to kiss a few toads before you find your Prince Charming. So grind hard Queen, take care of yourself, take sex off of the table and watch your King come. That’s something I’m working on myself. After being “heart broken” several times in the last 3 years I’m ok with being single and not settling for a fuck buddy or being a side piece. I rather be lonely. But don’t get it confused as long as I have myself, I’m never alone. 

Stay Blessed. 

Ade of Lemon

When the world gives you lemons, make a lemon drop and leave them stunted on how you did it…

Queen Bey has done it again. When she dropped Formation that was like her showing us the piece of a canvas she has painted the most beautiful painting on. The woman is genuis  and this isn’t a post to brag about Queen Bey but you must give credit when credit is due. She knew how  badly her fans wanted her new album ever since Formation dropped and she annouced that she was going on tour. I scrolled thru tweet after tweet of her fans begging for the album. Finally there was a date she was going to drop a visual album on HBO and her fans couldn’t be more excited. Finally she’s planning on showing the world the entire canvas. I say her fans because although I do enjoy her music, I’m not a die hard fan of hers. I listened to her music all my life and during tough tiimes which the words she has sang gotten me thru to the other side. I respect her hustle, the message and she is an inspiriation to look up to but that’s kind of where it ends with me.  As soon as the visual was over the album released on her husband’s streaming company Tidal. Genuis. 

Visual albums are changing the way that we look at music. I enjoy them more then hearing the music sometimes because it’s  like a little movie with songs that you like. I have  watched Lemonade a total of 4 times and of course that’s not saying much but like I said I’m not a die hard fan. I loved the narrative that was given and the steps in which she shows you what women who are cheated on go thru. Intitution, denial, anger, apathy, emptiness, accountability, reformation, forgiveness, resurrection, hope and redemption. Those are alot of emotions to go thru. And as a woman who has had her heart broken and have been cheated on I can say that’s really what you go thru. Especially if you want to make things work with that person who betrayed your trust. The visual is taking you on a journey of the pain to the recovery.  Being that Formation was shot in Lousiana I believe that this beautiful masterpiece was shot there as well. 

From the beginning to the end the music is inspring. Not just the beat but what she is actually saying. I’m not sure what it is about this woman but she inspires me. She empowers me to be better, to do better. I feel this boost of confidence that I didn’t feel prior to listening to her music or watching Lemonade. Yes it’s sad that she had to recall a time that she was cheated on and go thru the pain of that but with tracks like 6 inch heels and Freedom how can you not feel like you need to be great or create greatness??? She has given woman a plethora of witty captions for our Facebook, Instagram and SnapChat and things to write on our Twitter. But more important she has given us something to think about. 

The visuals show nothing but a cast of black girls and women of different shades, different hair textures and different backgrounds. Smart, beautiful women that are great in their own sense. There are cameos by Serena Willams, the mothers of slain teens Trayvon Martin and Micheal Brown, Winnie Harlow (who I just love), Amandla Stenberg, Zendaya and a host of others. It was so beautiful to see that these women was preparing meals then sitting together eating the meal it was just amazing to see and it’s an image that should be shown more. But with ratchet tv  and what not its not an image shown much. 

Back to the music…It’s suspected that the man she is talking about being cheated on was her husband. This sent the sleuths of the Internet going crazy looking for clues and wondering who could be the woman that S.Carter would cheat on The Queen Mother Bey first of her name. Mofos was really trying to put pieces of a puzzle as though she left breadcrumbs in her lyrics of who the chick may be. Then here comes thirst thot Rachel Roy *eye roll* with a comment refering to a lyric Bey said on her Instagram * eye roll*. Rachel Roy is the ex wife of Dame Dash (yes Jay’s homie Dame). She is the reason Solange was laying her paws on him in the elevator that year. It’s not something that happened more then once so I’m sure it can be googled. I roll my eyes continuly at Rachel cause that was a cheap attempt to get attention. It’s messy and as a woman in her 40’s she should have more class then that but hey *Kanye shrug* It wasn’t even an entire 24 hours that lemonade had dropped and the shenigans begin to start. Soon after the thotish behavior was released so was the Bey Hive stinging her with all sorts of comments and jabs. Don’t mess with The Queen Mother Bey, first of her name. 

This album has sparked so many questions not only about who Jay was cheating with but is it accpetable for men to be able to get away with cheating? Some saying that Jay is allowed to cheat because he’s Shawn Motherfucking Carter. *eye roll* Others say that she must don’t be doing something right *eye roll and deep sigh* I don’t know why Jay would want to cheat on Bey and to be honest I don’t care. Men cheat everyday, B. Some for reasons, others just because they are able to breath in air. That’s just how things are. Not to justify men’s bullshit that they are trying to sell with the content of this album. I’m just speaking from my experience, sad but it’s so true that men cheat.

If it true, that he cheated, she is showing us something so personal, something so painful and it proves the theory that Bey is just like us. She seconds guess herself, she goes thru heart breaks, and above all things she’s human. I listen to her album everyday, all day (well until Views come out) and it’s an admirable, graceful and wonderful masterpiece that others will look at when they need to get the strength to leave their no good man or when to figure out what to stay away from. Regardless your walk of life this is a piece of art that we can all relate to. The message is clear: Yes you may cheat on me, but I will leave you if need be. I will continue to stack this paper, I will always stay on my grind and if by chance I take you back you better make sure you don’t make the same mistaken twice. Oh and my favorite part is dust to side chicks. 

Stay blessed. 

G(ood) V(ibes) O(nly)

I was reading Joel Osteen’s book “ I delcare” one beautiful April morning. I tend to read at least one of his chapters everyday to start my day off right with good vibes and place myself (if it’s not already) in a good mood. I was reading chapter 14 and in this delcaration it talks about blessing people with your words. It has a small affrimation that reads “I’m proud of you, I love you, you are amazing, you are talented, you are beautiful, you will do great things in life.” I sent that out to tweleve of my closet friends and family members. The repsonses I got back was inspiring and eye opening at the same time.

When I sent the text out to those individuals I didn’t sent it in a group text. I also didn’t add any special notes in the text body. Just a swift copy and paste and send. I sent this off to give these people that I care about greatly and I’m not sure if I tell them how aewsome they are enough.  That particular morning I didn’t know all of their worries or problems. I didn’t know how their morning went or how the prior evening went all I knew was that I wanted to send these people some positivity. So I sent it. 

The first response I recieved from one of the tweleve was “This isn’t a suicide note is it?” I felt many mixed emotions about this reply. I was disgusted that he would even suggest such a thing. My life may seem dreary to some but I’m far from sucidical. I was very disappointed that he couldn’t see the sun shining down on him in his clouds. I know that he is a Class A pessimist and would complain about anything possibly possible to complain about on a beuatiful day so I can’t be totally dissatisifed with him for not seeing the beauty in what I sent to him. The next response came from my sis who even though we don’t have the same parents, that’s blood. She replied with a message as loving and positive as the one I sent. I knew she would give me what I gave her even though that wasn’t my objective. To be quite honest I didn’t know what to expect from these people. 

Someone asked me if I meant to send that to her as though by some chance she felt as though she didn’t deserve such a loving and uplifting message from me. Or as though she thought I couldn’t produce such of a message. And to be fair I didn’t, Joel did. I just shared it to the approriate people. Which should have been enough but it made me go to Twitter and ask “Why is it so hard for you niggas to accept someone sending you some positivity?” I mean cause really let me get that same message and I would be over joyed. I would two step my day away knowing someone thinks enough of me to send me that. But… I recieved two more “Is this for me?” and two more “ Are you ok?” messages. All others was nothing but grateful to recieve such a message and told me they love me too or a simple thank you. I also sent it to a group chat of women that I have known since before I could remember and although I didn’t go back to check the other responses the inital responses was enough to make me shake my head and close the app we use to communicate on. 

 I didn’t expect a respsonse but those that replied back being grateful made me smile a bit my day went on as planned. It was those that couldn’t t phanthom the idea of me sending such a text is what bothered me a bit. So it made me to come to this conlusion: That not every one can handle being told that they are loved by someone else. Regardless if it is platonic, family or friends with benefits.  Also I noticed that not all people are open to accept positivity or being shown gratitude for whatever accomplishments that they have. I really think it’s quite sad. Aren’t you suppose to show praise or love to your homies? Aren’t you suppose to lift those up who are around you? I mean how do you expect to be great if those you consider squad are you are iight (please say that in the ratchtest voice possible)???? Is it really that bad out here that mofos is that miserable that they can’t accept love or a little ray of sunshine?? I’m not sure, nor is it my problem to worry about the misery one may or may not be in. All I can keep doing is to keep recieving the affrimations and positive messages and sending that positivity out there to the Universe.  Maybe the people I share my messages with will share it to someone else, maybe not. That’s not my problem, as long as I stay positive and keep positive people around me then I’m good. It’s the law of attraction, think good and you shall attract good. Do good and you shall be good. It’s quite simple. 

Be blessed.