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I have a guilty pleasure…I like to watch ratchet television. More specifically I like to watch Love and Hip Hop in whatever city it may be in. To be honest, I actually love to get on Twitter on Monday night  and tweet about what’s going on or read the views of the show from my fellow Tweeters. The latest installment of Love and Hip Hop ATL has the usual mess but there is a love triangle that has me confused. It involves a bay mama, a girlfriend and the baby mother’s father which is the girlfriend’s boyfriend. It goes just like typical triangles, the male has a thing for two women. One he deals with so that he can still see his child and because he doesn’t want any drama that could come with not being able to see his child. And the other he says that he deals with because the sex is great and he can’t seem to leave either woman alone. 

These women met by the way of a reconnaissance mission. They end up fighting at a party that they wasn’t even invited to by the host and this is where things get a bit more messy and it makes me wonder. They end up meeting again this time with the man that is sleeping with both of these women. One asks him if he loves the other, then the other foams at the mouth waiting to pounce on the other. They don’t address the issue which is how a man has two women who are successful in their own right have them fighting and looking a damn mess on national tv? Or which one is the man going to stop hurting while he pleases his own selfish behaviors? 

Don’t get me wrong I’m not new to triangles and I’m not saying anything to make me seem as though I’m better then anyone because at one time or another I was sitting on the other side of the table wondering if he was going to leave her alone but I was the one that got left. So I can question women by asking them is this the best we can do? When have we begin to value ourself so poorly that we allow men to take away our power not only that in-between our legs but our voice to say no. Is dick that good?? Yes it is. But it should never come with the price of your morals and self respect. 

I was in a situation where I was lied to by the guy I was seeing. He said he didn’t have a girlfriend. I found out that he did one day by going to his house and with her answering the door in his boxer and wife beater. It’s funny how the Universe shows you what you need to see. Anyway she called him after I told her who I was and he came and tried to make a scene but end up running into the front door. LOL Years later and its still funny to me. He knew he was doing us wrong and that was karma smacking him with the door. Anyway he finally came out to me about his situation and because at the time I didn’t value myself I allowed myself to be his side piece. So many things annoyed me about the situation. One was that I was sharing what I wanted with her. Another was that I was limiting myself and that I didn’t love myself enough to know that I deserved better then what I was getting. But the dick was good and at that the time that was important to me so I settled. He made me feel like he was mines when we were together and when we weren’t… I was reminded that he was hers. Funny thing was that he would get jealous when I told him I was with someone else. Or when I told him that I was spending the night over someone else’s house. I would lie and say I was just to piss him off… Petty Betty. 

I allowed myself to be in a situation like that because I told myself that it worked, that it made him happy. She would call my phone and ask me about us and I would tell her to ask him. I was loyal to him even though he wasn’t loyal to me. I could have told her about the mornings that I went to their apartment to get some before going to work. Or about our date nights where he would say that he was out with his boys but really be at Red Lobster or at the Hoffman with me. (I been rewarding my pieces with Red Lobster before Bey ever mentioned it. :) )I could have but I kept my lips sealed because I didn’t want to mess up not seeing him again. Me and his girlfriend never fought or saw each other in person beside that one time. I decided to move on a year after settling for that bullshit and once I found out he had gotten her pregnant. Looking back I wouldn’t change what we did, I honestly enjoyed it. He was one of the best sexual partners of my life but he wasn’t for me. He wasn’t MINE & to be honest I wouldn’t want to be her cause to this day he still cheats on her and they are married now. So I wouldn’t change it but at my age I refuse to be involved in Side Piece Saturday in any caliber. And that’s where I question the black women that settle for this type of situation. 

We proud ourselves for being successful, for the plagues on our walls, for owning property, for eating our kale salads with the lemon drizzle but then we allow ourselves to be a side chick. WHY? How does this happen??? How can one love their selves enough to wear all of these badges of honor but then settle for less then what they deserve? Is it because we don’t completely love ourselves?  And yes I said we. We want to be loved or fucked and sometimes don’t care where the love/fucking is coming from. It’s not all the time that the male comes out up front and tells you about their other woman. They tell you lies cause that’s what ain’t shit niggas do, they lie. But a real man, a real man isn’t going to lie to you. He’s going to see you for the Queen you are and cherish you. 

It makes me sad that so many women choose to be the other woman and opposed to the only woman. Not to say one title may not come with the same bullshit as the other but it’s better then having to sneak around all the time to save his ass. Why is it that women are more loyal to the man then to do their damn selves? I have been there, oh trust me I have been there more times then I will ever admit but when you know better you do better and at this tender age of ___ I have no choice but to do better. It’s not as though Black Queens don’t already have enough stereotypes and stigmas that hang over our heads like a thorned crown but why lessen ourselves with titles that we shouldn’t have or that we give ourselves? 

 It’s time we do better. It’s a man for you out there you have to kiss a few toads before you find your Prince Charming. So grind hard Queen, take care of yourself, take sex off of the table and watch your King come. That’s something I’m working on myself. After being “heart broken” several times in the last 3 years I’m ok with being single and not settling for a fuck buddy or being a side piece. I rather be lonely. But don’t get it confused as long as I have myself, I’m never alone. 

Stay Blessed.